What Does This All Mean?


I am in a pondering mood, mostly about the day I had.

Wanna hear about it?

I’m gonna tell you anyway.

I woke up 4:15a. I had an incredibly deep yoga and meditation practice. I was connected with my breath, I allowed myself to float into this place of existence, a place of complete euphoria. I gave my thanks to all the energy that surrounds me. And I started my day.

Then I got to work.

I dropped EVERY. SINGLE. THING I touched.

I spilt a pitcher of hot milk all over the counter.

I sprayed whip cream in my face and hair.

I smashed my finger in the fridge.

Everything I touched needed to be REFILLED.

If I managed to catch one thing that was falling, I ended up kicking something else over.

I took so many deep breaths. I even thought to myself, “don’t let this energy control you.” But after about 2 hours of this non stop energy, I had to remove myself from the whole situation. I thought over and over, “why, I mean I had such a connected practice. Why is this my energy? Why can’t I shake this thing off?”

All day, it stuck with me. 

It wasn’t until I sat down after my house was quite that I realized, the more I connect with the philosophy of yoga and meditation, the more I am challenged in other areas of my life.

My practice every morning consists of learning how to connect my breath with the movement of my body. To allow my breath to remove the feeling of an obstacle. To be able to remove negativity out of my space.

Today I was challenged.

I was challenged to bring my practice to reality. I was challenged to connect my breath with the movement of my body. I was challenged to remove the feeling of obstacles. I was challenged to remove the negative energy that surrounded me.

Did I fail?

No. I may have let that energy consume me in the moment. But at the end of it all. I realized its meaning. I realized, I wasn’t suppose to shake it off. I was suppose to breath through it and bring my practice to reality. The ultimate place to be within your practice is to be in a place of acceptance. We are so conditioned from the time we are young that it takes challenges like these to help strip all that away. We need to let that conditioning go. Only then will we allow that beautiful lotus flower of energy flow through us.

My husband and I live two different lives. We go to work in these intense environments where, what seems like the impossible, is expected. We do this 40 hours a week. We have intense conversations. We demand. We tend to have high energy all day long.

Then we come home and this peace surrounds us. The peace of our homestead. The peace of our practice. The peace of our family. Sometimes it feels like an extremely difficult balance to keep. But that is why I am on this deep journey of yoga. To learn how to keep a peace in my soul no matter what I am doing or where I am.

Difficult? Yes.

Worth the struggle to get there? Absolutely.


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